We think we’re all that. And in a way, we are. All that and more. And not just the hotties. All of us. Even the villain who invented speed bumps.
Or the Brainiac who thought planting trees in the middle of the road would make driving safer.
But only in our own world.
Or the Brainiac who thought planting trees in the middle of the road would make driving safer.
But only in our own world.
Our planet Earth is only one of eight or more electrons twirling around the nucleus of the sun.
The sun is merely one of several more subatomic particles in the Milky Way Galaxy, which itself is one of many, many molecules and a vast array of atomic particles, to the point where ...
The sun is merely one of several more subatomic particles in the Milky Way Galaxy, which itself is one of many, many molecules and a vast array of atomic particles, to the point where ...
The entire universe, as we know it, is a mere drop of sweat dripping off the nose of The Cosmic Aardvark!
Think of all the things that mean so much to us. And yet, they’re all just subatomic particles of a subatomic particle in the perspiration of a mega-humongous ant-eating mammal on a hot summer’s day.
And sure, we don’t want to think of ourselves as being part of the sweat of anything. Cosmic or not. But that’s still light-years better than Ray Divine’s rendition in “The Wholly Libel” where he traces our origin of life back to a certain space alien by the name of Orca 4.5.
Conversely, just as we exist as mere mini-microscopic members of an electron, our electrons themselves are planets teeming with life. Whole universes thrive inside our every tear.
Granted, their girls probably aren’t as pretty. And they couldn’t possibly have the Jerry Springer Show. But each electron has a life of its own.
Sometimes, when I want to get away for a bit, I shrink down to a subatomic level. Always fun to visit new places. And it’s a great way to save on groceries.
If only the uranium used to run the shrinking device wasn’t so expensive!
If only the uranium used to run the shrinking device wasn’t so expensive!
What’s it like visiting subatomic worlds? I’m not at liberty to say. Sworn to secrecy as stated in dictum five of the Scientific Universal Consortium of Kahuna Shrinkers.
Sucks. I know.
But dictum five makes sense, since most of what I know could significantly alter the course of human history. But I will say this:
When you visit a droplet of water, it’s like visiting Disney World, because all the water molecules look like Mickey Mouse.
(The oxygen molecule with the two smaller hydrogen molecules attached looks just like a Mickey balloon.)
Makes me wonder if perhaps Walt Disney visited subatomic worlds as well.
After all, his theme parks always sing about this being a Small World.
Jerry Seinfeld:
Can someone please tell me
what is the deal with B.O.?
Everything in nature has a function, a purpose,
except B.O.
It doesn’t make any sense.
Do something good
—hard work, exercise
—smell very bad.
That is the way the human being is designed.
You move, you stink.
Why don’t our bodies help us?
Why can’t sweat smell good?
Be a different world, wouldn’t it?
Instead of putting your laundry in the hamper,
you’d put it in a vase.
Go down to the drugstore,
pick up some odorant and perspirant.
You’d have a dirty, sweaty sock
hanging from the rearview mirror of your car.
And then on a really special night,
maybe a little underwear
coming out of your breast pocket,
just to show her that she’s important.
Steven Wright:
I bought some powdered water,
but I don’t know what to add to it.
Dean Burkey:
Might be less gross if,
instead of saying that’s sweat all over your shirt,
you just say you spilled something,
like rainwater,
or angel tears.
George Carlin:
Don’t sweat the petty things.
And don’t pet the sweaty things!
Ray Divine:
Gatorade’s supposed to replace
what your body sweats.
But I’ve never oozed yellowish-green liquids like that.
When did my body start perspiring lemon-lime flavors?
Your body sweats away what it does for a reason.
To eliminate impurities.
So why would anyone want to replace that?
Isn’t that like making a meal
out of our own manure?
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