“The Swamped Swami
Answers All*”
a.k.a.
The Secrets of the Universe ...
Revealed!
Revealed!
“Oooooooooooohm!”
(Sound of a resonating gong.)
Greetings mere mortals. (Please don’t be offended. Some of my closest friends are mere mortals too. My cousin’s a mortal. And so’s his cat.)
Now’s your chance to ask the questions that puzzle you and cause you great consternation. No need to feel perplexed! No more having to furrow your brow in wonder. Simply ask; and your question will be answered*. Unless you ask something personal, morally offensive, or for which the Swamped Swami can’t make up an answer.
Please ask a why question. (Most any other kind of question can be answered by Google or Bing. Or, more than likely, you’re not supposed to know!) Why questions allow the Swamped Swami to search within and without to unravel Cosmic Mysteries for Your Enlightenment and/or Amusement. Or as a way to kill a few minutes or so. Whatever you need.
The Swamped Swami’s answer may be serious or funny. Depends on the question and on the fumes emanate from the swamp that day. (You don’t want to know.)
For example:
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 while hot dog buns come in packages of 8?
“Oooooooooooohm!”
(Sound of a resonating gong.)
The Swamped Swami Reveals:
It’s a racket! (Most everything’s a racket by the way. Or a conspiracy. And to be fair, most conspiracies are rackets.) So you have to buy at least 4 packages of hot dogs and 5 packages of buns to even out. So you do that; and then some goober wants a hot dog without a bun, so you have to recalculate and purchase even more hot dogs and buns to work things out.
Feel free to ask your family-friendly why questions of the Swamped Swami. No longer need you ponder and fret, for the Swamped Swami will reveal all. Or make up the best answer he can.
“Oooooooooooohm!”
(Sound of a discordant clang.)
While the Swamped Swami awaits your question**, I’ll pick out a new gong.
I wonder where Chuck Barris*** bought his.
Dean Burkey
* Obligatory Disclaimer:
Limit one question per person. The Swamped Swami reserves the right not to answer any question. Also, he may choose not to respond to more than the first people. The Swamped Swami’s Revelations of the Secrets of the Universe are for entertainment purposes only, don’t endorse occult activity, and don’t mock anyone else’s beliefs. Good clean fun for all. Family-friendly why questions only. Nothing of a personal nature. You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content provided herein and hold the Swamped Swami, this blog, and all affiliates harmless in any event or claim. For financial, legal, or medical questions, seek the advice of a competent professional. ... Good luck finding one of those! ;o)
** If you don’t have a question for the Swamped Swami, you can Carnak**** him, that is, send him an answer; and he’ll miraculously provide you with a question.
*** Chuck Barris created and hosted "The Gong Show".
**** Carnak The Magnificent was a character portrayed by Johnny Carson who would say an answer; and then read the question for which he mysteriously provided the answer.
