How to Sanctify Unsavory Songs

I had a dream last night, where I climbed a mountain of light and asked an angel:

“How can we, as a world, and as individuals, achieve perfect peace?” 

The glowing being beamed brightly and replied:

“The pathway to peace is simple; all you need to do is ... Slap Your Funky Mama.  Slap Your Funky Mama.  Slap Your Funky Mama.” 

To clarify.  The angel did not suggest we could achieve peace by means of domestic violence, or the slapping of one’s ... funky mama. 

But someone driving by, with their music blaring loud, woke me up, before I could hear the answer. 
I don’t now, nor will I ever, condone the slapping of women, especially one’s mother, funky or not. 

But I must warn you, that such a song, can get stuck in your head like a splinter embedded in the back of your skull. 

“Slap Your Funky Mama.  Slap Your Funky Mama.  Slap Your Funky Mama.”

I doubt many couples would say: “That’s our song.” 

You’d never hear this announement at a wedding reception: “Here they are dancing their first dance as a married couple to Vic Vulgar’s hit tune ‘Slap Your Funky Mama.’” 

Have you ever had a song get stuck in your head? 
If not, you’ve never been to Disney.

“It’s a small world after all.  It’s a small world after all.  It’s a small world after all.  It’s a small, small world.”*
 
If you have a song with offensive lyrics stuck in your head, such as the aforementioned “Slap Your Funky Mama”, sanctify the lyrics. 

You can do this with any song.  For instance: Slapping is bad, but praising is good.  Funky’s okay, but loving is better.  Mama’s great, but Savior’s the best. 

(To the tune of “Slap Your Funky Mama”): “Praise Your Loving Savior.  Praise Your Loving Savior.  Praise Your Loving Savior.” 

(To the tune of “It’s a Small World (After All)”): “Jesus loves us one and all.  Jesus loves us one and all.  Jesus loves us one and all.  Jesus loves us all.” 

It’s easy.  Name a popular song you wouldn’t want to sing in church.  Wait!  Maybe not.  That could get us all in trouble.  I’m already on thin ice for singing Vic Vulgar’s “Slap Your Funky Mama”. 

Oo, I  know!  Katy Perry has a popular song.  Here’s my sanctified version:
“I praised the Lord; and I liked it.” 

Remember, GIGO.  Garbage In, Garbage Out.  Your best bet’s not to listen to unsavory songs, but if you somehow get one stuck in your head, sanctify it!

Martin Luther said that music is the language of the angels, so be sure to sing praises to the Lord as often as you can.

And please don't blare your music unbearably loud, especially in my neighborhood late at night.  We might’ve already achieved perfect peace if not for music playing too loud.  I know you think you're being “cool”, but there's nothing sexy about having to ask repeatedly: “Huh?  What?  I can’t hear you!”

Be blessed so you can bless others.

Blessings & Joy,
Dean Burkey

* Robert & Richard Sherman wrote the song “It’s a Small World (After All)” which I quoted to parody. 
(I invented Vic Vulgar and the hit song “Slap Your Funky Mama”, but sadly, plenty of performers and songs like that exist.)  Hum, whistle, or sing at least one happy song today!